As I’m trying to move Parker’s bedtime a little earlier (and having mixed success), I was reminded of the first day I had him, May 14th. I had met him the day before, for a couple hours…then he fell asleep in my arms and the nanny’s took him back…then, we headed back to the hotel to wait for the G&R to happen the next day. After the G&R, the ride home was a little over an hour, and Parker was good for most of it, but the last 20 minutes he was unhappy. I’m sure he was scared and needed someone familiar to comfort him. He was inconsolable. We arrived at the hotel, and IÂ hugged him tightly to me and quickly went off on my own for a few minutes (probably seemed rude to everyone else, but it was what we both needed – when I’m stressed I usually prefer to be by myself). I came back and our in-country liaison (Quoc) told me he’d be back a few hours later to have us go over the forms he’d be filing the next day.

Parker cried inconsolably for about two hours best I can remember. It was horrible, terrifying, and guilt-inducing. Here I had just ripped this 4 1/2 month old baby from everything and everyone he had ever known. You could tell by his cry that he didn’t need a diaper change or to eat, he was terrified. I cried for the last 20 minutes of his crying spell, I felt so bad for him and I was the one who had taken him from what he knew and loved. He fell asleep for about 45 minutes or so, and was good for the rest of the day…we played and began to get to know each other. Then, he cried more at night before finally falling asleep in my arms around 8:30. He slept well, I slept next to him in the bed and I did not sleep well. I was so worried that I had somehow ruined our very first day together. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad;Â we also had fun that first day, we went to the beach, we laughed together, etc.

The next morning when he woke up, he seemed happy to see me, and I have only heard that terrified screaming cry from him one other time, maybe a week ago when he was startled by me dropping something next to him on the floor. But that time, I was able to console him pretty quickly – that felt really good.

So, our first day was mix of extreme joy, sadness, and mourning, exhaustion, playing on the beach, and just getting to know each other. I think Parker experienced the bulk of his sadness from leaving the only home he knew on that first day.

Now every day is filled with joy (and lots of other stuff!).