Last Resort Children
Something really bothers me about some [prospective] adoptive parents attitude toward adoption. All too often I hear the phrases “last resort” or “no other choice” or something similar when some people talk about why they are adopting children. It bothers me because I wonder how those children will be treated in their new families. Will there always be some type of resentment by the parent(s) towards the child? Will the parent(s) fully love the child and care for she/he?
In my view no child is ever a “last resort”. I have personal experience with fertility issues, and I understand some of the trials and tribulations of fertility problems and the very strong emotions that go along with those situations, etc…but, for me that is not an excuse to consider your child a last resort…these kids that are otherwise not good enough, except that you can’t have biological children, so these will suffice, they’re ok in a pinch!
All I can hope is that those who think this way fundamentally change their thinking once they have their new children. Hopefully they will see that they are no different than children who have half their own genetic makeup, and that as I said in my home study questionnaire, “genes do not make families”.
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To offset some of that negativity (which is really sad and alarming for the reasons you pointed out…reasons that I *hope* a good social worker would sniff out and address), I am proud to be among those who are preferential adoptive parents. We chose adoption as our *first choice* in forming our family after undiagnosed fertility issues.
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My fertility issue is having no partner. But instead of choosing articifial insemination – I chose adoption. So adoption really is my first choice! I just wish the process were going a little smoother. I know that others (in the adoption and pregnancy world) have problems and delays as well though – so I wait patiently.
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Hear, hear! IMO, views such as the ones you mentioned are just one step below “we felt called to save a child from a third world country.”
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I am an adopted child. My parents tried to have a child for 5 years and after losing a baby, decided to adopt. My birth mother turned around after I was born and decided to keep me. It only lasted for 2 weeks, and she realized she couldn’t do it herself and off to my parents I went.
When I hear my mom talk about that, I know that she thought of me as her child before I was ever born. She is not an emotional woman, but when she has spoken (rarely) about this, she tears up and I can hear in her voice the pain she felt when that happened.
I think that she and my dad had a feeling of “last resort” when they went with adoption, but I know that I am their child and loved no differently than my little sister (who is their bio “suprise”).
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