Motives, Drama, Stress - Oh My!
The adoption process can be very stressful, no adoption is risk-free. We ALL know this long before we sign any contracts or see any pictures. Given that, it is still very hard to go through the process and have something unexpected come up. Something that may stop the process or slow it down or otherwise change how it proceeds. I know first hand the ups and downs and I empathize and sympathize with what many in the world of Viet Nam adoptions are currently going through. My own process had its moments of extreme stress and uncertainty, and I don’t wish that on anyone.
Things are currently somewhere between perfection and utter chaos - it all depends on where you are in the process and how smoothly your adoption is going and how you handle these types of situations. For some people right now, things are going great - I know several people who are currently in Viet Nam right now or will be within the next few weeks to meet their child-to-be. I know people who are awaiting for their I-600 to be approved.
I know people who have filed their I-600, but for one reason or another, the investigation on the case cannot be completed right now - so, they are in limbo waiting for something to happen so that they can go meet and bring home their child-to-be. This is understandably very stressful and frightening for these families, and more importantly is that these kids’ lives are in limbo until this is resolved. Chances are pretty good that this will be resolved and the adoptions will continue, but until that happens it’s not an easy situation. There are lots of people pointing fingers, creating conspiracy theories about the US government, saying what happened…but, not a single one of them actually knows. None of them was on the ground in Viet Nam to know what happened when the investigations were attempted. Their agencies were not there, either. The only people who know are the only ones who are NOT talking. I wasn’t there either, so I can only say that both our government and the Vietnamese need to stop being assholes and work together and get this resolved quickly. It makes both governments look stupid and it doesn’t help the kids.
Another new ripple is the new DNA testing requirements for relinquished children being adopted. This is a system that has been in place in other countries for years. The information was released/leaked/whatever first as an internal type memo, which is just a draft of what will be released in final form. Every government agency and corporation has draft memos that get circulated internally in the process of creating a final, public policy statement. But, of course the site Bring Our Children Home just had to post it and spread it around while others who had it decided against doing so. For what motive? To freak people out…to add more drama to an already stressful situation. Why not wait for official word, clear instruction? Because then you wouldn’t be able to scaremonger people into sympathizing with you. So, then Voices For Vietnam Adoption Integrity posted a “calming” post to try to assuage some fears and calm some jitters. It was a relatively good attempt - I applaud that. The fact remains that at this point an official policy/timeline on implementing this has not been released, and until it is, it does absolutely NO GOOD to flip out about it. I understand it’s not easy to be calm - it’s a very emotional time with giant implications for the child and the adoptive family. Everyone loves to revel in a pity party from time to time, but you also need to act like an adult sometimes and do constructive things, not spread the FUD and bad feelings.
Last month it was the same people freaking out about a RUMOR that Viet Nam was all of the sudden on April 1st just going to shut out over half the adoption agencies working there, hence disrupting many, many adoptions. What good did that freaking out at a rumor do people? None…it just made people angry, depressed, left feeling helpless…and, all for NO REASON. It didn’t happen, nothing changed, things continue on.
Now, are USCIS and the Department of State doing everything right? No, definitely not. I find lots of fault in their policies and in the implementation of those policies. The same with the Vietnamese government. But, are things as bad as some are making out? No. I understand that when it’s happening to you it’s very tough to take a bigger picture look at things - that is understandable, it’s human nature, it’s especially parental nature - but, it’s worth trying. Believe me, I understand!
Don’t buy into the hyped up charges of conspiracy, of things tumbling down. Wait for official word, not rumors spread to suit others’ purposes. Continue to contact your Senators and Representatives about your situation. Contact Senator Boxer of California - even if you don’t live in California - she has first-hand experience dealing with issues in Viet Nam adoptions and has worked personally with USCIS and DoS to smooth out difficulties.
Is the MOA likely to be renewed? No. So, starting the process of an adoption from Viet Nam right now is probably not the best plan. Hopefully, when Bush is out of office our new President will actually play nice with the rest of the world. We will be able to negotiate a new MOA or proceed without one if Viet Nam allows.
April 3rd, 2008 at 8:43 AM
Awesome post. A little like Prosecco! Bubbly and calming. Thanks
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Jonathan reply on April 4th, 2008:
Thanks, honestly it’s just a response to getting really tired of reading school-yard type fights on APV for the last couple months.
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April 3rd, 2008 at 11:52 AM
Thanks for this post Jonathan. I’ve been scanning the APV listserve for any word from you and here it is. Well done.
I’m trying my best to stay calm and not freak out even though my referral is from a “blocked province”. I am hoping for the best. What else can I do?
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Jonathan reply on April 4th, 2008:
Thanks, honestly it’s just a response to getting really tired of reading school-yard type fights on APV for the last couple months.
All we can do is contact those with power on the US side (Senator Boxer, Condoleeza Rice, Ambassador Michalak, etc), and hope that this situation irons itself out.
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April 3rd, 2008 at 2:16 PM
Well written post.
I’ve been trying to make sense out of what is going on, wondering what it would be like if this had happened to us. What an overwhelming time for PAPs.
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Jonathan reply on April 4th, 2008:
Thanks, honestly it’s just a response to getting really tired of reading school-yard type fights on APV for the last couple months.
Hopefully, both governments will iron things out and people can worry a little less. It’s maddening to sit on the sidelines, I know, but there isn’t a lot else we can do.
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April 3rd, 2008 at 5:38 PM
I’ve always respected and appreciated your insight here and on the groups, and this is probably the best example I’ve ever seen of why. I’ve been reading some (definitely not as much as I used to) but feeling very frustrated by it for exactly the reasons you share above, not for the reasons many others are (mad at our “evil” government). Granted I don’t have the same investment anymore (still logged in, but probably not in a position to pursue anytime soon) and I know that makes a big difference. But I think all of us, regardless of the stage we’re at, have a vested interest in seeing an ethical, smooth process. I think some are working to contribute to that happening and some are making it worse by accusing, pointing fingers, misdirecting anger, etc. I’m glad folks like you stay tuned in and speak up!
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Jonathan reply on April 4th, 2008:
Thanks, honestly it’s just a response to getting really tired of reading school-yard type fights on APV for the last couple months.
There are ways to make changes and make progress and there are ways to simply hurt peoples’ feelings and cause turmoil…I think the former is a better way to go!
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April 3rd, 2008 at 6:03 PM
Bravo for a brilliant post…just want I needed and I am sure many other’s as well!
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Jonathan reply on April 4th, 2008:
Thanks, honestly it’s just a response to getting really tired of reading school-yard type fights on APV for the last couple months.
I wish I could offer much more, but as long as we have each done what we can we then have to see how things play out, and hope for the best.
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April 3rd, 2008 at 6:45 PM
Thanks for posting this and being the voice of reason!
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Jonathan reply on April 4th, 2008:
Thanks, honestly it’s just a response to getting really tired of reading school-yard type fights on APV for the last couple months.
I just hope that “reason” pulls us all through and the governments work things out quickly.
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April 4th, 2008 at 8:01 AM
Jonathan, It’s a good post and I thank you for giving me more food for thought. I happen to be one of those who has been vocal about my opposition to how USCIS is operating, and I have expressed a fair amount of anger. My intention has not been to spread panic, but rather to point out to people how serious things may be for us PAPs. I would not want to look back months later after a total shutdown and say “I wish I had spoken up back when I had the chance before it came to this.” Similarly, even though I don’t have a referral yet, I feel it’s my responsibility as a community member, to support those who I feel are being treated unfairly. My views on Orphans First are complicated as I do wish some steps would be taken to root out the corruption, and I don’t mind waiting longer for a more secure process. But I honestly don’t think that USCIS has the orphans’ best interest in mind with what they are doing and I think it’s up to us who can advocate for them, to do so. Those babies have no voice in the process — some people like me are just trying to give them one. I don’t claim to know which path is better - calm, restrained patience or outspoken rage but I think they can actually co-exist together without rancor between community members and I think it’s important that we hear each other out whether we agree or not.
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Jonathan reply on April 4th, 2008:
I absolutely agree! I certainly am not advocating to simply sit down, shut up and be calm. I very much think it’s important for people to speak up and to question our officials, to demand of them to do what is right. I just think it’s extremely important to do so in a civil, mature way. None of us gains anything from conspiracy theories, name calling, senseless bickering, etc.
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April 5th, 2008 at 9:33 AM
Huzzah!
I agree about APV. Speculating without official statements just adds stress and doesn’t do any good.
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April 5th, 2008 at 12:59 PM
I have read with interest your posts on apv and stumbled upon a link to your blog today. What a nice perspective to read! Thank you! I am a PAP waiting for a referral who is taking your good, sound advise and staying calm and HOPEFUL!!!!
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April 9th, 2008 at 3:57 PM
Thank you for this post. I think I’m going to refer to it from time to time when I overanalyze and stress out about what’s going on in VN right now.
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April 15th, 2008 at 12:35 AM
great, calming advice.
we are waiting to travel but have just heard the term “blocked” provinces. what does that mean?
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Jonathan reply on April 17th, 2008:
In actuality, it is not entire provinces which are blocked. There are a few orphanages and hospitals which have blocked investigations of cases. The letter USCIS sent is poorly written and overly broad. Other institutions in those provinces do appear to be continuing to cooperate with investigations.
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