Days of The Dragon

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time, but putting these thoughts and feelings into words is not easy – I’m no Maya Angelou.

I really appreciate Vietnamese culture, and the more I learn about life in Viet Nam – both rural and in the cities – the more I appreciate the subtleties and the complexity of the culture. This isn’t to say everything Vietnamese is great or perfect, or anything like that – but, of the cultures in the world with which I’m familiar, it’s the one I find the most authentic and the most willing to share itself. It also doesn’t mean I don’t love the USA or love my country’s collective culture – I do very much.

So, what makes up that culture? Sure, there’s what we usually think of as culture – food, religion, music, art, history, etc. Those are the things that are usually most easily observed and experienced. But, there’s more than that – there’s the basic values of a people – how they treat each other, how they feel about their country, what they do for fun, children’s place in society, how they treat and interact with visitors, their relationship with the land, the language…and various other things that are culture, but are harder to really get to know or understand their roots. And, while I love many Vietnamese foods and find Buddhism to be intriguing – what I really love about Viet Nam is those other things. I love the ever-present sense of community, the underlying respect for land and nature, the warmth with which outsiders are welcomed, etc.

Not only do I want to understand as much as I can about Viet Nam and its culture – but, I want Parker An to maintain as much of a connection to that as he can, as he wants to. While I love the opportunities that things like culture camp or Tet festivals can provide – I want to offer more than that to him. I also don’t want to give him the impression that Vietnamese culture is something just for him to experience, separate from me – it’s part of our family now, and an important part. I don’t want him to grow up thinking his birth culture boils down to a couple of festivals, certain foods a few times a year, or some dances. Those things are interesting and fun and important – but, they aren’t the heart of a culture or people.

Being that he’s growing up American, providing that level of depth probably isn’t possible even if I lived somewhere with a large Vietnamese community. Given that, I’m doing what I can to allow both of us to immerse ourselves in Vietnamese culture as much as we sensibly can. What does that mean?

For me, it means visiting the local Vietnamese grocery store once a week – it’s the closest thing to a Vietnamese market that Akron has, and if it’s busy when we stop by, it kind of feels a little like a market, too; with the melody of Vietnamese coming from every angle, exotic fruits on the tables, and sights/smells that you won’t find in any other grocery store.

It means learning to cook authentic Vietnamese foods with what I buy at the market. Not only because they’re delicious, but because that way if/when Parker is hanging out with his Vietnamese peers or when we visit Viet Nam in the future - he won’t be averse to eating at least some of the local foods.

It means learning Vietnamese, both of us. I’m taking lessons from a native speaker who grew up in Viet Nam until age 10. Not only has she been helping me slowly learn the language, but she has provided much insight into various aspects of Vietnamese culture and what it’s like growing up in the more rural areas of central Viet Nam. As I am learning, I have started using the Vietnamese word for things in addition to the English word – Parker An readily picks up both. As Parker gets a little older I’ll start taking him to the Vietnamese church’s weekly playgroup – where he will undoubtedly pick up Vietnamese from the other kids.

It means acknowledging that not only has Parker gone from “Vietnamese” to “Vietnamese-American”, but I’m in the process of adding some “Vietnamese” to my “American” as well. In a sense, I’ve actually gained an entire Vietnamese family that I don’t know and may never know. Parker’s Vietnamese family is forever linked to me.

It means searching out children’s books that are in both Vietnamese and English, finding DVDs of children’s television that airs in Viet Nam, interacting with the local Vietnamese community, etc. These are some ways that I can help make Vietnamese people, language and ideas not seem so distant.

It means having a Vietnamese exchange student at some point in the future.

And, of course it means integrating all of that with the other bits of culture that make up our collective story – America’s culture, our Jewish roots, etc.

As the years go by I’m sure my views will change a bit here and there, and Parker will begin to assert his thoughts and feelings into the mix, as well.

Well, as I knew would be the case, I don’t think I really got across everything in the best way I could have. And, I think I left out chunks of thought, too. So, it’s a start at putting my thoughts down on digital paper. Lastly, I certainly do not mean to insult anyone else who doesn’t share my view on this – this is simply what I feel is right for my family.

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